Payatas is a place of graveness

Hello Brothers and Friends,

It is my pleasure to share my experiences with you. I go to my Apostolic Formative Activities every Saturday. Bros. Walter, Claudius, Andrew and I go to Payatas. I always wait for the Saturday to come. I like to go there and be with the people and I think that my companions are the same as me. We begin our journey soon around 7.45am. We travel by the local transport tricycle and Jeepney. We take a tricycle from MAPAC and go to Conception. Conception is a name of a market place. It is a little big town connecting the cities. There is a church dedicated to the Immaculate Conception that’s way the place is called Conception. Then we wait for the Jeepney to Sandigan. We often have to wait some time for us to get the Jeepney. It is a rich experience to see the people in the Jeepney. Adults are going to the work, while many of the young people are going to their job or to college. Some mothers with the children they are going to the place where they want to go. When the children are with the parents it is a time for them to ask lot of questions. Some look at us as a strange people when we smile at them they tell their mothers about our smiles. I really enjoy playing with them. As they say “Loneliness is the prison of the human spirit.” One way it is true also. Once again we take the tricycle to Payatas. It is a difficult place to go to as it is a highest place the tricycle try it best to go on this way. It finally reaches our destination.

Then there is a welcome by all. Even the wind of the place welcomes us. The children those who play in the street they come and great us and shake our hands. We too welcome them also and are friendly with them. It is a time when we feel the value of our being there. As they say “The quality of our human existence is grounded in our relationships.” I have felt the value of going there simply to be with the people.

Payatas is a place where very poor people are living and they do not have good houses. Most of the people there do not have a job they work on “Smokey Mountain.” Smokey Mountain is a place where the waste of Manila city is dumped. This mountain rising some 30 to 40 meters (98 to 131 feet) from the valley floor the mound of garbage covers 10 hectares and takes in sweeping views of the surrounding countryside. Daily morning the trucks start to come at 4am. Over the next 17 hours some 430 to 450 garbage trucks will deposit an estimated 1,200 tons of garbage at the site. For the 30,000 residents who live around the garbage-mountain it is their only source of income. The teams of cavengers who pick over each truckload of refuse are lucky if they make P100 a day for their efforts. Down in the slums cottage industries thrive as thousands of people including children, sort through baskets brought down from the mound. A broken concrete bridge crosses a narrow river where boys wash plastic in putrid water. It is dried and bundled up and sold for recycling. In one yard are piles of discarded backpacks that will be washed, repaired and later sold in markets in the poorer districts of Metro Manila. Drinking water is brought in by truck daily and sold to residents and some dwellings have electricity.

There is center run by the FCJ sisters (Faithful Companion of Jesus). They help the people to in many ways. They have activities for all, starting from the old people to young parents, youths, students and the children. They also help them to improve their housing and provide water tank to save water for some of the people. The Brothers go there to help the people to repair houses and also build water tanks.

When we arrive at the center it is a time for us to greet the workers and to get ready for work. We have two professionals who lead us. Some of us already know the work expected of us. We build houses and water tanks. Now a days we build water tanks as they do not have running water in their houses and they have to buy the water from the truck which comes. Water costs them P40 ($1) for the 20 liters. Through building the tank we help them to collect the rain water and have running water in their houses. It takes a week to build the tank. It holds 750 liters of water.

On my first day at Payatas I had an unforgetful experience where we robbed by the young guy who threatened us with a gun. After that I was afraid to go there and was not happy about returning. I saw my life as important and then I came across this words “Try it, you might like it.” This helped me to learn, from that frightening experience and I realized the need for the Brothers to go there. I have a feeling that the people have confidence in us. They provide us with good security and they promised us it would not happen again. I also try my best to be friendly with the young people. Now I have great confidence in going there and I enjoy doing this work with the people. As they say “You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give.” I really like the people at Payatas even though they are very poor they live a happy life. They always smile at us and they welcome us as their own people. When we work in their houses they share with us what they have. They have many values like love for one another, sharing, welcoming, respect for all, these I have seen.
There is so much to learn from them that’s why I like to go there. I hope you can imagine with me what is the reality of their life is. I ask you to pray for the people there and the workers in the center and especially for the children and youths those who often have to abandon their study because of the lack of family finance.

By

Bro. Robinston

REFLECTION ON "MARVELOUS COMPANION"

BOOK REVIEW ON "MARVELOUS COMPANION"

1. Introduction:

The term 'community', in general, has diverse understanding among people. For some, community refers to a group of people who live in a particular area and, for some others, community means relationship or solidarity with other people. There is no one absolute final description of community or community life, nor there is a universal model or structure to it. However, for vowed Religious people, a community is and should be Gospel-based in its nature and purpose. While the ideal community epitomizes the Kingdom proclaimed by Jesus, life in an actual community, with all its struggles and attempts to be a witness to that Kingdom, is a journey towards it. Because the Kingdom is a communal reality it is centered on the person of Jesus. Also, the essence of community life is love from which springs the compassion that Jesus had for the poor during his public ministry. As Champagnat pointed out in his final testament, charity and love among the Brothers of the community reflect the nature of the Kingdom initiated and lived by Jesus – love for one's self, love for others and love for God. Beneath the gloss of such great ideals and norms, however, lie the challenge and bitter experiences of an actual community life. Let me highlight some aspects of community life from the book called “Marvelous Companion”.

A. The beginning of Community life:

The origin of the community life lies in the love of the Trinity. The Father wants all people to form one community in which all will be equal as brothers and sisters. Jesus also built a community with his apostles. We in this age answer the call of Christ by living together in the community of consecrated persons.

B. Marist Community life:

The vows which are an expression of our love of the Lord are a unifying force in the community. The vow of chastity frees the heart from a possessive love, and invites us to love everyone equally. The vow of poverty puts all that we are and everything that we have at the service of others. Obedience directs the community to seek and carry out God's will in daily life and in all the activities.

It is a place where we accept each other with our differences which are yet complementary. We try to develop interest in each others life and work. We accept with simplicity a Brother's admonition. We try to put aside our egoism and touchiness and find tactful ways to help others in the community. We learn to ask pardon and to give it, though in some cultures it is very hard for men to do this. We try to develop a heart which is free from anger and bitter feelings in order to build up a friendly atmosphere. Community is a place where we fall and stand and go ahead with the help of other members.

C. We gather around Mary:

Mary is our model as Marist Brothers. We try to imitate her qualities in our lives. We also gather around Mary like the apostles on the day of Pentecost. We are always conscious of the presence of Mary among us; she helps us to live as brothers. We remain attentive to the needs of the community and the world like Mary at the Visitation and at Cana. We take her virtues of simplicity and hard work for our lives. We try to be simple, humble and available like her. We see Mary with all her emotions and feelings like our sisters or mothers.

D. Community in the spirit of our founder:

Father Champagnat formed the community of the first brothers having an idea of the genuine family. He loved his Brothers and he told them, “that I live only for you and everyday I ask God's blessings for all of you”. The Brothers also loved him as their father. Living with Champagnat, living close to Mary our good mother, they grew steadily in the sense of Brotherhood. We live our community life in a great family spirit, thus fulfilling the wish of our Founder: “Love one another as Jesus Christ has loved you”.

E. We are all Brothers in the community:

In our communities we see the young Brother as a gift from God and a sign of Mary's care for us. A young Brother brings to us the richness of a young man's heart and mind, with its enthusiasm and its quest for authenticity.

A mature Brother, enriched as he is by the experience of his successes and failures, contributes his dynamism and balance to the community, and in return, receives support and encouragement to enter ever more fully into his vocation. The perseverance of the elderly Brothers is a living sign of God's faithfulness.

F. The praying Community:

Praying together is one of the features of our community life. Since our faith in Jesus has brought us together, it is above all, our prayer that builds up the community each day. We are all jointly responsible for this prayer and it reaches its highest level especially in the Eucharist when we all come together as one family.

G. The apostolic community:

Our communities are apostolic; we are engaged in different types of ministries or works. The very fact that it gives witness to the brotherly love of consecrated people makes the community an evangelizing force in the local Church. The openness the community has for pastoral action leads it to accept as its own the apostolic work of each of its Brothers. Whatever may be their occupation, they participate fully in the community so that love may be strengthened.

H. Communication and Silence:

Community recreation and sharing of our views help us to build up family spirit. The community meetings encourage us to listen and speak so that our community spirit can grow. We bring simplicity and good will to these meetings and take an active part in them. We do not allow ourselves to be discouraged when difficulties and tensions arise.

We allow time for silence because it opens us to the mystery of others thus preparing us for heart-to-heart communication and sustains it. It leads us out of love for our brothers, to respect times for prayer, for work and for rest.

3. Reflection:

I have reviewed the book and I like to make some of my own reflection about the book and my own experience in the community life. I really enjoyed reading the book “Marvelous Companion” written by Brother Sean D. Sammon. I would like to talk about the five aspects of community life. let me explore them.

First, community, as Sean said, is not a family. We do not exercise power as we may do in a family life. However, the different elements of family life such as concern for others, respect for elders, sharing of responsibilities, maintaining unity among members of the family and individual projects, are inherent and, at times, inevitable in an actual community life. Unlike a family in which children grow under the guidance and supervision of powerful parents, members in an actual community have both shared responsibility and mutual interest in the mission and vision of the community as well in the life of the members of that community. Hence, family is not a healthy and appropriate image of community life.

Second, community is not a place for survival. A family can be a place of “security and privacy” but community is not so. Community is a place where individuals are prepared for social involvement because the nature of a Religious community is missionary. Individuals are encouraged to reach out rather than withdraw from public responsibilities or obligations. We believe that we have been chosen not for ourselves but for others. Hence, the demands of community life are very strong and it is crucial to form a healthy and mature community.

Third, members of a community are both independent and interdependent. While there is freedom to choose and act, the choice should be reasonable and actions should be responsible. Above all, there exists a sense of belongingness among the members of the community. As our Constitutions states, we are different yet complementary. No one is left to act on his own because every one has committed himself to the fulfillment of the one charism that is central to the Institute, that is basis for community life and that binds people of contrasting personalities together.

Fourth, “Mutual encouragement and challenge” among the members of a community mark the stability and quality of the individuals and of the community as a whole. At the same time, disappointment and discouragement are anticipated outcomes in relationship among the members. We will not or may not always find one hundred per cent conformity at the time of decision making, yet, we are called to decide what is right and appropriate for the well-being of every one in the community, taking into account the consequences of such decisions on all community members those involved.

Fifth, community becomes a place of sharing and growth when strengths of each member are recognized and encouraged while limitations are accepted and rightly challenged so that the vision and mission of the community may be accomplished. According Sean, “genuine religious community is aimed at self-transcendence rather than self-fulfillment”. This, in fact, points to how we can be counter-cultural in a multi-cultural or international community such as MAPAC.

As I have explored the five aspect of community life now I would like to give my reflection. I think the Community life is easy to define in the abstract, but giving structure and form to it in the concrete circumstances is challenging. I think community life is one place where the human qualities and weaknesses are evident. People with different cultures, languages and customs come together and share everything like the early Christians. I can also see this community aspect in the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and the Holy Family at Nazareth. First and foremost, the life together with our brothers challenges me to form and nurture a loving heart. Without that, I can survive, but can't flourish. This loving heart is the core of the community life for me. It will channel all my virtues and values towards the other members of the community. If I am able to love a person then I can see God's presence in him. The virtue of charity is another important aspect in this life; I believe charity begins at home. Community life encourages me to be open, life giving, hospitable, tender, prayerful and a brother to all in the fraternity. It is a challenge but community is a place where we overcome selfishness and sensitivity. We learn to forgive and accept forgiveness. It is a place where we share our joys and sorrows and grow in friendship.

Community life can be a source of my strength and mutual support, where we help one another to grow physically, mentally and spiritually. We become the strength of each other especially during the times of difficulties and problems. In the community life we strive for a common goal and give response to a divine call. We help one another to grow with all our capabilities. I think the genuine religious community is aimed at self- transcendence rather than self-fulfillment. Community life can be a very challenging place because people come from different backgrounds and cultures. People can get into habits which cause of alcoholism or other addictive behaviors, chronic complaining and negativity. Some can be aggressive in their attitudes, and some of them can hold the feelings of bitterness and anger. The Marist community welcomes all who come, as if receiving Jesus in person.

Solitude, even loneliness, is another important part of the community life. I think it provides the means or it can be a source for growing closer to God, to my own self and to other people. I think solitude and time alone can help us to come out of our comfort zones and think about others. I think it can also help me to understand that the world and my own concerns are not most important, and there is one who is greater than all. Solitude and time alone can also help me to understand my feelings and emotions and can lead me to the highest good. Hence the community life is the source to transcend ourselves; it also helps us to be faithful and committed to our vocations. A healthy community life is a blessing from God where He dwells with the community members and they live with Him.

BY

BRO. ROBIN FMS.

4. Sources:

1. Constitutions and Statutes, Little Brothers of Mary, 8^th December 1986.
2. Marvelous Companion, Sammon Sean D, Institute of the Marist Brothers, vol 31, no. 2, 25^thby March 2005, Rome.
   

The Woman of First Century

The Woman of First Century

General information of Mary in the Matthew Gospel

1. Location and number of appearances:

I. Chapter 1: 16 Genealogy,

II. Chapter 1: 18-20 The Birth of Jesus,

III. Chapter 2: 11 Visit of wise men,

IV. Chapter 2: 13-14 Escape to the Egypt,

V. Chapter 2: 20 Return from Egypt,

VI. Chapter 12: 46 The true kindred of Jesus (visit of His mother and brothers)

VII. Chapter 13: 55 The rejection of Jesus in Nazareth,

VIII. Chapter 27: 60-61 The burial of Jesus (this appearance is not clear)

2. Titles given to Mary in Matthew Gospel:

v Jesus: Mary is mentioned as Jesus’ Mother in several places chapter 1:18, chapter 2: 11 chapter 2: 13, 14, 20.

v Virgin: chapter 1: 23, Mary mentioned as a virgin here but it is reveled in words 24-25.

v Your wife: Here it mentioned as Joseph’s wife.

3. Gender: Female

4. Age: No reference

5. Marital status: Married

6. Occupation: No reference

7. Place of residence:

v Bethlehem, Egypt, Nazareth (Chapter 2: 13- 23).

8. Relatives:

v Jesus: The first born son (ch1: 25) Is his mother called Mary? Ch13: 55

v Joseph: husband of Mary (ch1: 16)

v The Brothers of Jesus (Children): Jesus’ brothers may have been related to Mary. (Ch 12: 46) the following names are given, James, Joseph, Simon and Judas (Ch 13: 55).

v The Sisters of Jesus (Children): Jesus’ sisters must relate to Mary (ch13: 56).

The Narrator’s Portrayal of the Character:

v The Genealogy (ch 1: 1-16)

Mary's role in the genealogy places her in a more prominent insider position. She is a woman, but not a foreigner. More importantly, unlike Luke's Gospel, this traces the lineage to Joseph. Matthew's Gospel traces up to Mary. The genealogy does not describe her as the wife of Joseph. Instead, he is described as her husband, placing her in the more central role and underscoring her heritage in the history of the women of Israel. Like them, she is a key figure in the history of salvation. Matthew is saying that in the case of the Old Testament women, God overcomes all struggles and in Mary’s case even the complete absence of a human father. Matthew presents Mary as God’s perfect instrument in bringing to fruition, the messianic hopes of Israel. Also because of the openness to God in their lives God was able to work through them. “But to Jacob was born Joseph, the husband of Mary, by whom,” that is in the feminine form in the Greek, referring only to Mary, “was born Jesus who is called Christ.” In the Bible Joseph is never called anything other than the husband of Mary, never is Joseph called the father of Jesus.

Relations to other characters to the characters examined:

Matthew imaginatively begins with a family record of Jesus Christ, son of David and son of Abraham. This record is not a family tree but to confirm that Jesus is the messiah of David he begins with Abraham and finishes with Jesus. Matthew mentions 4 women from Old Testament and Mary in the genealogy. First woman Tamar (Genesis 39:24) she posed as a harlot to seduce her father in low. Second women Rahap (Joshua 2:1) she was a prostitute. Third women Ruth (Ruth: 3: 1-18) she seduced Boaz. Fourth women Bathsheba (2Samuel: 11) Uriah’s wife, committed adultery with David. Then Mary mentioned she found to be with child before marriage.

The narrator portrayal of the character:

v The birth of Jesus: (ch1: 18-25)

Mary presented as the mother of Jesus and a child bearer. Then she has engaged to be married, but before the marriage she conceives through the Holy Sprit. It looks that Mary has little fear of this incident, because Joseph was trying to leave her. But the Angel helps Mary and reveals to Joseph about Mary’s conceiving of a child. Then Joseph acceptance of Mary as his wife might make her happy and joyful in her self. The narrator mentions about the virginal conception. He gives a account for the old testament. The ways he narrates the story, clearly tells the virginal conception.

The action and the speech of the character:

It looks here as it Mary was worried about her engagement with Joseph because she has conceived a child. We can imagine how difficult it is for a woman to bear a child with out marriage. I think Mary might be in a difficult situation. By the help of God she became happy about her child because she was accepted by Joseph and he became husband of Mary. The happiest thing for Mary is being the mother of Jesus. As it mentions in the text that Jesus as the savior of the world, bearing a son who will save the world.

The reactions to the character and other character being mentioned:

It is popular in all the infancy narratives that true Angel of the Lord comes as a messenger of God. It always brings good news to the people and Mary also. I think Mary might have been joyful in the angel presence. It brings salvation to the world. Joseph is the next character, he does not want to accept Mary, he wanted to leave her because of her conception before the marriage. But he realizes God’s work in Mary through the angel in his dream. I think, he was afraid to accept Mary as his wife. This is nature in a man when the women is already pregnant then he does not accept her as his wife. Mary was amazed or saddened by this rejection by Joseph.

The narrator portrayal of the character:

v Visit of wise men (ch 2: 11)

Here Mary is portrayed as a sub-character and she is not the main actor in the scene. She comes in and shown to be looking after the child. We see the caring mother here. She is mentioned as a mother of Jesus. She was very happy about the child that’s why she is always there with Jesus as it is mentioned in the text. She welcomed the wise men and their homage to the child may strengthen her faith. She might be very proud of this child because he is the king of Jews.

The action and the speech of the character:

Mary might have been thinking about the wise men, and wondering about how they knew about her child born in a manger. When she saw the homage she might think it is unnatural and she might wonder that the star can lead three people from a different part of the world and how they can come together as one group to visit the child. If Mary knew these things she might be more confused or she might strengthen her faith and believe in God.

The reactions to the character and other character being mentioned:

When the wise men entered the house they saw the child with the Mary his mother. The wise men may think about the caring mother. The wise men overjoyed when the star stopped at the house. Here the star is also very important that God can work in any people and any thing for the goodness.

The narrator’s portrayal of the character:

v Escape to the Egypt (ch 2: 13-15)

Here the name of Mary is not mentioned but she is mentioned as Jesus’ mother. We can presume that she might be Mary she is not mentioned as wife of Joseph. It seems critical to me that Mary and Joseph married. Joseph may be a helper to Mary. She was a courageous woman too.

The action and the speech of the character:

She is a very strong woman, she is not afraid of going to another country she went with Joseph wherever he asked her to go. She had a very faithful husband who gave her more strength. I say a very faithful husband because even though the child is not from his he is trying to help her to save the child. She is not given a title as a wife of Joseph. She may have felt the help of God through an Angel and Joseph. It may have strengthen her faith in God and believe that God is always with her.

The reactions to the character and other character being mentioned:

The other characters are an Angel, Joseph and Jesus. The angel of the Lord does his work as usual, Mary might think, “why does the angel appear to me and is always telling the news to the Joseph. May be the narrator took example of the old testament that the angel appears to the men and to the prophets only. He may have wanted to impose that idea in his text also. After hearing from angel Joseph is ready to go to another city. His love his family human is great even though it is difficult, he tries his best to save the child for the world. He knew if the king came to know that he is the one helping them to escape, he would kill him but still his love to Mary and the child Jesus and to the people made him to do that. We can see his obedience to the will of God.

The narrator portrayal of the character:

v Return from Egypt (ch 2: 19-23)

The text says that the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and he was asked to take the child and his mother, and go to the land Egypt. Here I see that the child’s name is not mentioned and his mother’s name is not mentioned. It also did not clearly tell about the relationship between Joseph, child and the mother. It is not clear whose child is this and who is the mother. The narrator could have clearly mentioned the relationship between Joseph and the Mother. Secondly he could have also mentioned why the revelation of angel is to Joseph, and not to the child’s mother.

The action and the speech of the character:

I see that there is a blind obedience to the divine will. Whatever the angel said Joseph followed it. Joseph does not have one hundred percent trust in divine providence. Because he was afraid to go to his hometown therefore he settles in Nazareth.

The reactions to the character and other character being mentioned:

The text gives information about the ruling king Archelaus. The information that we receive is that he was ruling Judea. Secondly we get to know that it was also easy for people to get in to Egypt and come back

The narrator portrayal of the character:

v The true kindred of Jesus:

Here the text says that his Mother has come to visit Jesus. The text did not mention the name of his mother here and the names of the Jesus’ brothers and sisters are not mentioned in this text. The text portrays his mother’s virtue of humility. She was so humble that she waits outside for her own son. Once again the text does not give enough information to make sure if they are really Jesus’ blood brothers and sisters. It may help the reader to know if Mary really had children after the birth of Jesus.

The action and the speech of the character:

When Jesus responds to his audience saying, “Here are my brothers and sisters and mothers.” It is an inclusive language to respect everyone as he respects his mother and sisters. Or it may be that Jesus did not respect the arrival of his mother and his sisters. The text can also be seen to suggest that Jesus did not want his audience to feel out of place at the arrival of his mother and his sisters. This act of Jesus may hurt her or may give her strength to accept it. She was very humble.

The reactions to the character and other character being mentioned:

The reaction of the audience would be positive and affirming because he calls his audience his mothers and sisters. I am also concerned about the feelings of Jesus’ mother and his sisters. I am sure that they must have been hurt by hearing that. If we say that his mother was pondering all those things in her heart, what happens to the feelings of his sisters? I see Jesus as a man who was in need to learn some communication skills. I mean to say that Jesus did not know a healthy way of communicating. I would also say that his mother failed to teach him. His mother also deserves this, because she fails to fulfill her responsibility to form his child. If she could have done her home work, in this context Jesus could have welcomed her and shown an appropriate respect for his mother.

The narrator portrayal of the character:

The Rejection of Jesus in Nazareth (ch 13: 55)

The narrator explains the human identity of Jesus. In the text Mary was mentioned as the Mother of Jesus. The names of Jesus’ brothers are mentioned in this text. But the author did not precisely mention parents of James, Joseph and Simon and Judas. Were they all sons of Mary? Or were they all cousins of Jesus. When we refer to the Hebrew text there is only one term for cousins, brothers and for the blood brothers. Therefore the confusion remains unsolved textually,

The action and the speech of the character:

The audiences of Jesus were all amazed of the wisdom of Jesus. Therefore they took offence. A person or a crowd will not take an offense for being “an Intelligent” or “a wise person.” I think that the author did not fully write the conversation that had taken place among the audience and Jesus. Therefore Jesus might have been misunderstood by the people at some stage and this lead the way for them to take offence at Jesus. Finally Jesus says that “Prophets are not without honor except in their own country and in their own house.” Did Jesus expect an honor from his own people? It contradicts Jesus’ words when he says “I have come to serve not to be served.”

The reactions to the character and other character being mentioned:

Jesus is giving a reactive statement; He fails to give a response to his people. He should have managed a balancing communication among the people. Jesus’ mother could have heard that her son had arrived to his home town. She may have also been there in the synagogue to listen to him. Jesus did not do many miraculous deeds in his village. The reason is that they did not believe in him. I would say that if he could have done something then they could have believed and they could have honored Mary also.

Conclusion:

In conclusion I would like to say some thing about the gospel of Matthew. All Gospels were written for a certain people of first century. Matthew wrote his Gospel for the Jewish people. Jewish culture was a male dominated society. Matthew said little about Mary. He has said more about Joseph.

I see Mary as mother of Jesus, and Matthew clearly explains that Mary is the wife of Joseph. In the genealogy Matthew describes Joseph as a husband of Mary. He connects Jesus to the family of David. Matthew mentions Mary as God’s servant for the messianic work. In the birth of Jesus, God used Mary for the birth of the child Jesus. Then in the next texts, the visit of wise men and escape into the Egypt, the return from Egypt, Matthew mentions the mother of Jesus. To conclude I say that the image Matthew gives Mary and a dutiful wife to Joseph and mother. Matthew gives Mary an image of “woman” of her time.

RESEARCH ON MARITAL ADJUSTMENT IN EARLY ADULT HOOD

THE MARITAL ADJUSTMENT

INTRODUCTION:
As I was giving my presentation I was inspired by the subject in early adulthood. The adjustment they make in early adulthood, it is a difficult time for them to adjust with the change of life. As I learned I thought of researching about the marital adjustment. I met 6 women and for my research. 2 women from the middle class and 4 women form the poor place. But when I interviewed them it is a different experience from each other. Some similarities and some difference are shown from each of them. As I interviewed some of my clients they shared with me their understanding about the marriage and their ideal mate. What are the qualities and similarities they look for in their partner? How they got married with their partner. It was interesting to hear from them. Young people look for different qualities. Some of them are very similar to each other. Their expectations are very high but most of the young people do not find the right person that they are waiting for. Most of the
women they do not accept a boy as their boy friend. Most of my client took more then six months to one year to accept him as their boy friend or life partner. Some of my client took more then 3 years to decide he is good one or not for their life partner. Most of them are said that the before the marriage they followed as they provide what we want and they come behind us they never get angry towards us they are very good but after the marriage they totally different the real self is revealed. It is mostly happened in a poor family situation. Middle class it is not happened vey often because of the earning is from both sides, it means husband and wife both working they do not have a problem of money or poverty is not a problem. It make their life little happier but it showed in a different area of life like looking after the children, house work and cooking. Let me explore it in my research finding more about it.

MARITAL ADJUSTMENT

As adult adjust themselves to different area of life. One of these adjustments is marital adjustment. It is happening because of the ever-increasing number of family patterns makes marital adjustment difficult. Family is important in every society. It is a back bone of the society. It is a one of the most difficult adjustments that young adults must make in their early part of their life. This adjustment is a Most Common and the Most Important Adjustment for Marital Happiness in early adulthood. I have divided this adjustment in to four most common adjustments. I have done my research also in these four areas of the marital adjustment. I have taken this from the research done recently in America. I would like to compare their research with the Philippine society. Before going into my research it is better to know little about the marital adjustment. Let me explore the four common and most important adjustments that young adult make in her or his marital life.

a)Adjustment to a Mate

The first adjustment in marriage is an adjustment to a mate. According to the researcher interpersonal relationships play an important role in marriage as in friendships and business relationships. However in the case of marriage, the interpersonal relationship in marriage is far more difficult to adjust to than in social or business life because they are complicated by factors not usually present in any other area of the individual’s life. It is important to good marital adjustment is the ability of husband and wife to relate emotionally to each other and to give and receive love. Husband and wife who have the habit of not expressing affection will have difficulty establishing the other’s behavior as an indication of “not caring.” This is almost as important as ability and willingness to show affection and ability and willingness to communicate. Adults who have learned to communicate with others and who are willing to do so avoid many of the misunderstandings that complicate marital adjustments. Adults who were popular throughout childhood and adolescence have acquired the ability to adjust to others and the social insight necessary to make adjustments. ”Living together” or cohabitation among many adolescents and young adults has been found to ease the adjustment problems to a mate. Factors Influencing Adjustment to a Mate Concept of an Ideal Mate, Fulfillment of Needs, Similarity of Backgrounds, Common Interests, Similarity of Values, Role Concepts, Change in Life Pattern. These six factors are important in their adjustment to mate. Let me explore it in next paragraph how my clients look at these factors.
All my clients are had an ideal of their life partner when I was interviewing they said some of the qualities that they expect from their life partner. Most of them mentioned about the beauty and money in a social concept. Some of them told they expect enough money for their living. Poor girls they look for a rich men but middle class they look for a middle class person as their life partner. Other qualities they look for are kind person accept them as they are lovable understandable trust worthy and truthful to their word and actions. Their expectations is very high but most of them got opposite of their ideal person. Most of them man is the person propose them for the marriage. Another good thing that they can remember the time and place where they meet first and they are happy to share their happy life. But when they share about after marriage they are little afraid and do not want to share much about it. Religion is important for 50% of them 50% of them is not important. Poor people married only in legally they did not married in church because of the coast they have to spend there. Most of them are preparing themselves for marriage. Since they had not got a right person they have to adjust to their partner. Middle class family women have a chance of choosing the life partner but the poor girls some time have to agree with anything that comes to their life I heard from client some of them do not want to marry the person but the influence of the parents and relative they married. Before the marriage men are very kind and they are very good also for one year then they really showing their personality and when the first child comes to the family the men really changing in the poor family situation because they are the one who earn money they like to have a control of the family. The needs of the wife are not fulfilled in a poor family situation. It makes the wife to go for work and earn some money for her needs. Some girls they can not go out and work because they look after children. There they have to adjust the fulfillment of needs. Usually the need is to go out and buy good clothes and meet friends and eat good food and living in a good house. As Maslow mentioned in his hierarchy of needs the safety needs is not fulfilled by their partner. This is the adjustment they have to make with their mate. Most of family women have some thing in common interest because before they choose the partner they know their interest most of family did not have much problem. I could sense from their sharing that when the wife is pregnant of first child they are not spending much time with the wives they go for their interest like compelling and go out with friends come home later. Here I think they did not spend much time with the wife when they need them close to them. It shows that women have to adjust with the husband in this area. Most of women they face the change of life pattern in the young adult age. As I heard from them is they have adjust to live with the men who they know only in the day time now they started to live with him in the night and always. They find it difficult to adjust that kind of change and they said it took them more then three to six months.

b)Sexual Adjustment

The second major adjustment that the young adults have to make in her or his marital life is sexual adjustment. If sexual adjustment is not satisfactory then the marriage life will not be happy any more to the married couple. Some time it can lead to marital discord and unhappiness if not satisfactorily achieved. Sexual adjustments for women tend to be more difficult to make and the end results less satisfactory than for men. Cohabitation, which many young people regard as a form of “trial marriage” has helped to overcome the sexual adjustment problems. There are some important factors that influence sexual adjustments. They are Attitudes toward Sex, Past Sexual Experiences, Sexual Desire, Early Marital Sexual Experiences, Attitudes toward Use of Contraceptives, Effects of Vasectomy.

Area of sexual adjustment I did not discover much because they did not want to share much with me. Most of them are aware and well educated about the sex. They have enough knowledge about sex and they know what will happen to them when they have sex. Some of them have experienced the premarital sex. One client said she did not like her husband to have a sex with him I asked why then it seems that she does not like any body to have sex with her because she is sexually abused. When she was a child and when she was a young girl she was abused also. It really disturbs her when she is having sex with her husband or somebody too. Then I also sense that most of family happy with their sexual life and all of my clients are happy with their husband approach in the sex. I think in Philippines people are well educated in the sexual study. Most of my clients have experienced the premarital experience. It is really a problem for them to enjoy the late years of their married life some time they have a child before the marriage one of my client was like that she said really a difficult time for her to tell her family and she is really afraid of her family and she said she enjoyed the time with her partner but later she showed the anger to the child. I think it is true also the young adult must have to go through these adjustments.

C) Financial Adjustment

Third major adjustment is adjustment in marital life is financial. Money or lack of it has a profound influence on adult’s adjustments to marriage. Nowadays the premarital experience in business wives they do not want to live under the control of the husband’s earning and they do not want to depend on their husband for their own need. It is also make the husband to adjust in the financial area. The arrival of first child stops the wife from the work. Then the income of the family is reduced. It is a big adjustment to the husband to equal the income and look after the spending of the family. This financial situation can pose a threat to their marital adjustments in two important areas when the wife is working in a high level the husband is lower then the wife. Then there is a friction may develop, if the wife expects her husband to share the work load. The wife has a desire to have material possessions as a stepping-stone to upward social mobility and a symbol of the family’s success. If the husband is not providing it then the wife will take a job to provide these possessions to the family. This is also big adjustment that married young adult have to make.

Most of the family women are the one looking after the business. Most of my client they are working the husbands accept it. They allowed their wife to work most of the women they have their own money. I heard that it is difficult for them to stay delay on their husband. Early part of their married life they delay on their husband but later one or two children born they start to work because the money from the husband is not enough and they get less from the husband. It is a difficult for them when the husband is not helping them in the house work. I heard some family they share their work and they have a time table and they follow it. It was really interesting for me because in my culture it is totally opposite. Men do not advice their wife to work. Our culture men are working and they give the money to the wife she is the one make budget. But I see here they have their own money and they plan it that who looks after which area of life. I heard some time they have some inconvenience of spending money it is also the big adjustment they have to make in the early part of marriage.

c) In-Law Adjustment

The fourth major adjustment that young adult make is in-law adjustments. When the couple comes to the new family settings they have to see the new family and new relatives and the in laws too. They have to find people of different ages, ranging from babies to the elderly, who often have different interests and values and sometimes markedly different educational, cultural and social backgrounds. There are some factors influencing In-Law Adjustments Stereotypes, Desire for Independence, Family Cohesiveness, Social Mobility, Care of Elderly Relatives and Financial Support of In-Laws, In-law trouble is especially serious during the early years of marriage and is one of the most important causes of marital breakup during the first year. There are some factors contributing to Good In-Laws Adjustments. These are Approval of the marriage by the parents of both spouses, Opportunities for the parents to meet and become acquainted before the marriage, Friendliness on the part of both families when they meet, Marriage between persons of the same religion, Couple has taken a course in marriage, especially the wife, Relationships between the grandparents and grandchildren are good, In-laws have similar pattern of social activities, In-laws as well as the young couple are happily married, Husband and wife accept each other’s family as their own. If the young couple looks at the in-laws and the spouse family in a good way then the adjustment that they have made will make their life very happier.

I did not get much sharing about the in-laws adjustment most of my clients they are living in a city they did not even see their in-laws and they say we do not have much problem with them. Because most of the time the money is the main factor that affect the relationship between the in-laws and the couple. I heard from the middle class families they have problem from the in-laws. Like coming and asking money and staying with the family they really do not like in-laws involve in their family business but most of the families. Some coming and asking money or staying there with out asking them they really have to adjust other wise it is affect the husband and wife relationship also. Here it is that if the husband is not a very inter personal relationship with his wife or wife with her husband. It is clearly make big division between them. The interpersonal relationship is important for a couple to adjust with this issue. It looks that middle class families have this adjustment with in-laws but the poor family they did not have like this adjustment they are free from their in-laws. I can not much share because most of my clients are living in a city and they do not have much to adjust with the in-laws. There are some good is mentioned about the in-laws

e) Adjustment to parenthood

Usually in our society after the marriage the couple likes to become a parent for the child the arrival of first child make the young couple become a mother and father. As a parent they take great responsibility of looking after the child is important role in their life. Parenthood is the most important criterion of the individual’s transition to maturity and adult responsibility. It can also be regarded as a “crisis” in life because it necessitates major changes in attitudes, values, and roles.

With the arrival of the child, the family is temporarily upset and all family members are under varying degrees of stress. The arrival of the first born is generally the most upsetting to the mother. Mothers with professional training and experience often suffer extremely severe crisis shock. Many fathers show disenchantment with the parental role by becoming less sexually responsive to their wives. There are factors influencing the parent hood adjustment. They are Attitudes toward Pregnancy, Attitudes toward Parenthood, Age of Parents, Sex of Children, Number of Children, Parental Expectations, Feelings of Parental Adequacy, Attitudes toward Changed Roles, The Child’s Temperament.

Most of the women they worry about the health and about the child. Some family because of premarital sex they pregnant before the marriage it really affect them as I said they are afraid and they have to carry on their carrier or studies they do. one of the my client have study and go to collage in the month of pregnancy she said she really had a very difficult time and she adjust that situation help of god only when she has to go for a graduation she was afraid of her stomach. She has to adjust this with lot of encouragement. They said they enjoy the children’s company even when they go out with the small child. They said it is grace of god we accept this even our life changes and we are bound to look after the child we lose our friends and our entertainment but still we love to look after them. Here all mother like the child to be a fair and beautiful they expect the child to be very beauty and fair but some time it is not satisfactory and they really unhappy about it.

f) Assessment of marital adjustment

The success of marriage depends on whether it provides satisfaction for the whole family, not just one or two of the members. Happiness of family lies in the members hand and the young adult. Assessment of marriage has divided in to three parts as they explain below.

1) Ages of Best Adjustment

Marital adjustments are easier at some periods during married life than at others. The most readily identifiable periods are the first few years of marriage, when the couple must make adjustments to their new roles as spouse and parents; the period when the children reach the “troublesome teens” and tend to rebel against parental authority; and the “empty-nest” period, which requires readjustment to a childless home and loss of the parental role.

2)Conditions Contributing to Marital Adjustment

There are number of conditions that contributing to marital adjustment. There are six conditions that Contribute to Marital Adjustment. They are Timing of parenthood, Attaining a stable financial condition, Unrealistic expectations about marriage, Number of children, Ordinal position in the family and In-law relationships.

3)Criteria of Marital Adjustment

The success of marriage is reflected in a number of interpersonal relationships and behavior patterns. These criteria is used to asses the marital adjustment of any marriage. There are seven criteria used in the assessment. They are Happiness of Husband and Wife, Good Parent-Child Relationships, Good Adjustment of Children, Ability to Deal Satisfactorily with Disagreements, “Togetherness”, Good Financial Adjustments and Good In-Law Adjustments.

CONCLUSION:

When I look at my research, marital adjustment is a very difficult time for the young adult. They have to have a big enthusiasm to do this adjustment. They really face they challenge of their life in the age. When I look at the research done in America it is a little bit connected with the people in Philippines but there some thing is not really true because here most of the couples they got married in adolescence age. When I was interviewed some mother they are only 24 years old already they have a big responsibility like three children and they are big enough to go to school. Now this mother and father have to work to survey. This couple married in when the wife 16 years old and husband 19 years old. It is really critical time for them she said she really dislike the marriage and she is not happy any more in this life. It is true this the adolescence age that young people enjoy the company of their friends and look for identity in the society. It looks if they got married in early part of their life they have to face lot of challenges and problems. They have to make these adjustments too. But in western world marriage happens in early or middle adult hood age husband and wife are well educated about it. It is easy for them to face the challenge and adjust to it. This book research finding all looks around the middle class and rich people but it is true with the poor people. The poor people adjustment is different from the rich and middle class people.

BY

BRO. ROBIN, FMS.

(RESEARCH DONE IN PHILLIPINES)

THANK YOU THOSE WHO HELPED ME TO PRODUCE THIS ARTICLE.

THE UNCONSCIOUS

I. What is unconscious?

Unconscious is a mental function of which the subject is unaware. Or psychic contents which are not recognized directly at the conscious level and which influence or finds expressions in the reality or the behavior of a person are said to be in the unconscious state. However the elements or contents at the unconscious level can be brought back with the help of certain psychotherapeutic techniques.
According to Carl Jung the unconscious divided into two parts. 1. The personal unconscious and 2.The collective unconscious. The personal unconscious is a reservoir of material that was once conscious but has been forgotten or suppressed. The collective unconscious is the deepest level of the psyche containing the accumulation of inherited experiences. There is a considerable two way traffic between the ego and the personal unconscious. For example, our attention can wander from this printed page to a memory of something we did yesterday.

II. Formation of the Unconscious:

1. Through a process of immediate transposition from the conscious to the unconscious:
Definition: Traumatic and undesirable or unpleasant experience when repressed or change from the conscious to the unconscious level. Through repressed they do not lose their strength but join with other subsequent repressed elements or materials.
The object of expression could be our past experiences. Basic instincts, needs and the emotions are linked together. According to Freud instincts are imbued with energy, and the object or activity or money that has some link with instinct becomes empowered with its energy (Cathexis).

Repression is automatic and it goes against the object invested with cathexis, against the instincts themselves from which the objects have acquired value against the resulting emotions with the same energy. The energy force does not change or lose its force, rather it strengthens and can be increased. In another words all the experiences of our life remain in the unconscious at various depths. In simple words nothing is lost from our unconscious.
The maintenance of a repression can imply a constant emission of energy. It is also possible that a person can have repressed need and be pushed by that. In this case the person can't really know and discern the true motivations that influence his behavior or actions.

2. Through a process of progressive sedimentations:
The objects of displacements from the conscious to the unconscious could still be the instincts and needs. Through a slow process these instincts and needs progressively escape the conscious control. Then they slowly become the unconscious motives of behavior.

III. Characteristics of Unconscious:

Laws of Unconscious:

1. Unconscious is exempt from contradiction: The unconscious elements coexist in spite of their contradiction in relation to consciousness. This law helps in many ways to understand the behavior of a person. According to this law, an action has both objective and subjective meaning or could be interpreted objectively and subjectively. I am charitable towards a girl. It is because either I have genuine interest or intention to help her or I am attracted towards her and I make use of this opportunity to satisfy my desire.

2. The unconscious is timeless: The conscious elements are neither arranged in time nor are altered in the course of time. They exist independently of the external reality. We cannot expect that they become conscious automatically with the passage of time or with experience. A person can change roles, environments and friends, or wait; but with all these he will not improve automatically in the knowledge of his deep-seated problems or his unused qualities. Experience does not teach always.

3. The unconscious does not take in to reality but influences reality: It has a logic of its own, different from the one that regulates the conscious world (guided by the principles of non-contradiction.) Thus as an unconscious sentiment of insecurity gives way to a guilty behavior which the person knows to evaluate as unrealistic (not justified by facts) but the feeling continues to make itself and be transformed into guilty behavior. The world of the unconscious influences that of the conscious and not vice versa.

4. The unconscious has a dynamic force which preserves itself: It resists self examination as it has a force of reaction which preserves what is found there. It is difficult for one who is not a psychologist to understand the resistance that the human psyche offers to improvement. From a rational logic point of view we would expect that man would respond positively and with enthusiasm to an opportunity offered for a better knowledge of oneself, greater freedom and responsibility. Instead this bid has to make its calculations with the logic of the unconscious which prefers preservation and continuity of the status quo. It resists not only the emergence of the traumatic, but also what could have been a possibility of growth that had not been utilized in the past.

There are some other laws of unconscious by Freud which are still objects of discussion.

They are:
1. The unconscious is guided only by the pleasure principle.
2. In the unconscious there does not exist any negation, doubt or uncertainty.
3. Energy belonging to the unconscious idea rotates freely and associates and dissociates by chance with other unconscious ideas, as is seen in dreams where displacement and condensation produce the hidden content of dreams. In contrast the unconscious logic makes enormous efforts to preserve the identity belonging to each idea.

IV. Influences of the Unconscious:

1. Thoughts, feelings and dreams:

Under the influence of the unconscious, thoughts and feelings that belong together may be shifted or displaced out of context; two disparate ideas or images may be condensed into one; thoughts may be dramatized in the form of images rather than expressed as abstract concepts; and certain objects may be represented symbolically by images of other objects, although the resemblance between the symbol and the original object may be vague. The laws of logic, indispensable for conscious thinking, do not apply to these unconscious mental productions.
Recognition of these modes of operation in unconscious mental processes makes possible the understanding of such previously incomprehensible psychological phenomena as dreaming. Through analysis of unconscious processes, Freud saw dreams as serving to protect sleep against disturbing impulses arising from within and related to early life experiences. Thus, unacceptable impulses and thoughts, called the latent dream content, are transformed into a conscious, although no longer immediately comprehensible, experience called the manifest dream. Knowledge of these unconscious mechanisms permits the analyst to reverse the so-called dream work, that is, the process by which the latent dream is transformed into the manifest dream, and through dream interpretation, to recognize its underlying meaning.

2. Instinctual drives:

According to Freudian adult sexuality is an end product of a complex process of development, beginning in childhood, involving a variety of body functions or areas (oral, anal, and genital zones), and corresponding to various stages in the relation of the child to adults, especially to parents. Of crucial importance is the so-called Oedipal period, occurring at about four to six years of age, because at this stage of development the child for the first time becomes capable of an emotional attachment to the parent of the opposite sex that is similar to the adult's relationship to a mate; the child simultaneously reacts as a rival to the parent of the same sex. Physical immaturity dooms the child's desires to frustration and his or her first step toward adulthood to failure. Intellectual immaturity further complicates the situation because it makes children afraid of their own fantasies. The extent to which the child overcomes these emotional upheavals and to which these attachments, fears, and fantasies continue to live on in the unconscious greatly influences later life, especially love relationships.

The conflicts occurring in the earlier developmental stages are no less significant as a formative influence, because these problems represent the earliest prototypes of such basic human situations as dependency on others and relationship to authority. Also basic in molding the personality of the individual is the behavior of the parents toward the child during these stages of development. The fact that the child reacts, not only to objective reality, but also to fantasy distortions of reality, however, greatly complicates even the best-intentioned educational efforts.

3. Anxiety:

A cornerstone of modern psychoanalytic theory and practice is the concept of anxiety, which institutes appropriate mechanisms of defense against certain danger situations. These danger situations, as described by Freud, are the fear of abandonment by or the loss of the loved one (the object), the risks of losing the object’s love, the danger of retaliation and punishment, and, finally, the hazard of reproach by the superego. Thus, symptom formation, character and impulse disorders, and perversions, as well as sublimations, represent compromise formations—different forms of an adaptive integration that the ego tries to achieve through more or less successfully reconciling the different conflicting forces in the mind.

V. Conclusion:

As I have understood the unconscious it is a topic which is very difficult to understand it work in me. I become aware of some of my behaviors or attitudes towards the incidents. But most of the people won’t accept it because it is challenging them and their past life. As I think about my child hood and my past life I really understand some of my attitudes and behavior have a connection with them. When I was small boy she really love me and looks after me very well. But when my brother arrived my mother did not like me he always looks after my brother because he was a smaller then me. I could remember some time I fought with my mother and went to my grand parent’s house. When my grand mother came to know that I was always hitting my brother and was scolding my mother. My grandparents took me to their house there I was a only small boy I had a 2 aunties and 3 uncles. They all love me and like me; I became a possessive of their love. There was no one to share with me. I was very happy and enjoyed the company of my aunties and my uncles specially my grandmother. Still I have that problem with me if somebody is my friend and they talk with some body I really hate them. I do not talk to them I show my anger towards them specially female if I like someone and become my friend I want to them to be only my friend if they talk to some body I really hate her and the person whom she is talking too. But now I become aware of it. It is a big challenge for me to get in touch with it. I hope this assignment helped me to understand little more about my unconscious mind and how I can become aware of it.

Through this I become aware of my self and it can help me to grow in my religious vocation and find a real meaning of life. It helps me to come across of my problems and understand my reactions. This helps to be aware of what is going on me and around me. I hope through the help of God I may aware of my unconscious mind and grow in my life journey as religious and Marist Brother.


by

Bro. Robin FMS.

(Resources from certain books)